Stages of intimacy: how to grasp the core points

Stages of intimacy: how to grasp the core points?

I may not have a perfect set of theories on this topic, but I especially want to share my own experience. On the surface, intimacy is a matter of two people, but more and more I feel that it is really a collision of two families of origin, or even different cultural or geographical backgrounds.

Two people may be attracted to each other at first because they complement each other or because they are similar, but behind the scenes there are hints of their own upbringing. For example, "compulsive repetition" is a typical example. At this point, even if someone gives you a set of "all-purpose points", it may not really be able to help. Each person's life experience is unique, from birth to adulthood, the road traveled can not be duplicated, the formation of thinking and behavior patterns are also different. It's easy to copy someone else's methods, but it's also easy to "cut your feet to fit your shoes".

The period of passionate love usually does not require much skill, and both parties can feel strong happiness. But this state is often short-lived and idealized, and soon reality pulls one back to the next stage.

Probably the most abrasive period in an intimate relationship is this one. Happiness becomes muted and the pain comes on particularly hard. Many people will choose to end a relationship under this high pressure.

But it is precisely this stage that can best promote growth. In the pull of pleasure and pain, through one trade-off after another, we slowly see what we need, what the other person expects, and whether two people can really go on in the long run.

Apart from affection, the key to maintaining a relationship at this stage is the fulfillment of each other's needs. No one can always give without expecting anything in return, and needs will always arise naturally.

Just like Nam Kin Lung in the TV series "Small Shelter", he is deeply in need of physical care in his middle age and finally decides to get divorced.

Intimacy is never a simple formula, and the points summarized by others may not be right for you. Run it with your heart and be open to whatever the outcome may be.