You want to do good for your family, but you're so tired that you're physically and mentally exhausted, your health is in the red, and you don't even feel like there's any point in living.
Over the years, I've given my all for my family, but what have I gotten in return? My husband's friends called me a psychopath on the phone, and others on WeChat accused me of being incapable of controlling my husband.
I'm just devastated that my best intentions for my family are going unanswered like a cow to a bull.
It felt like there was nothing I could do, I wanted to close my eyes and never wake up, I didn't even want to care about my kids.
Nothing matters.
Dear, first give you a big hug through the space, from your description, I can deeply feel your heart and dedication to your family, maybe even put the whole family before yourself, in this family, you seem to neglect yourself, only have your husband and children in your eyes, only forget to take care of yourself.
You know what? How others treat you is really something you taught yourself. How you treat yourself is how others will treat you. When you neglect your own needs and invest all your energy in your husband and children, that giving is not pure love, there are a lot of expectations hidden in there. You expect them to reciprocate in the same way, but the reality is that they neither see you giving nor give back. Why? Because when you disregard yourself and take excessive care of others, it puts a lot of psychological pressure on them. You give only what you want to give, not necessarily what they really need. If your giving is not what they need, then you giving 100 points may be a 0 with them and not be received at all. But as a family member, they see you give, but can't respond, which will make them feel guilty and blame themselves, this hard feeling will make them choose to be indifferent or distant from you, to alleviate the emotional deficit.
So, it is right to give, but one must give what the other person needs so that giving is meaningful. At the same time, you can't sacrifice yourself when you give, you have to see your own needs first and fulfill yourself before helping others. At this time your heart is rich, like a bucket full of water, the overflow part is the willingness to give, you do not desire each other in return, because your bucket is always full. This kind of giving is true love, and does not need to be forced to give back.
So take your focus back, stop obsessing about how your husband and kids treat you, and think more about how you treat yourself. How you need them to treat you, treat yourself that way first. Okay?
I'm Lilly the Answering Officer Little Ears, the world and I love you.