I had just graduated from school, and the first company I joined was less than ideal, and I ended up in a vicious cycle of low mood.
When I think of the words "death" and "suicide", I feel extremely scared and fearful, worrying that I might have suicidal thoughts.
Sometimes these thoughts pop up almost daily ...... Then I try to open up.
I feel like I still have hope for life, but I just can't help but be scared.
Dear friend, I can understand your current situation. You have just graduated, left the campus, stepped into the society with great expectations, thought you could make great achievements, but found that there is a big gap between reality and ideal. This gap makes you feel disappointed, frustrated, and even begin to question yourself. You mention getting into a less than satisfactory company, which in itself tends to bring about frustration. The work environment, coworker interactions, or task content may make you uncomfortable and create a sense of depression, and this kind of emotional stress can easily lead to a negative cycle - waking up every day and feeling powerless at the thought of going to an unhappy place, or even bubbling over with extreme thoughts.
You mentioned that "thoughts of death and suicide" scare you, which is a very real feeling and completely understandable. In psychology, this is called "intrusive thinking", which refers to those disturbing thoughts that pop into your mind and make you panic. I can feel your inner struggle: on the one hand you want to live a positive life, but on the other hand you are plagued by negative thoughts. This conflict leaves you helpless and confused, and you may ask, "Why am I thinking this way? Is there something wrong with me?" But these thoughts don't mean you really want to kill yourself; they're an overreaction of the brain under stress.
Your current fears and insecurities are likely rooted in doubts about your self-worth and uncertainty about the future. Such emotions can cause you to hyperfocus on extreme thoughts. Try to accept your emotions instead of suppressing or avoiding them. The more you try to get rid of negative emotions, the stronger they may become. Tell yourself, "It's normal for me to feel afraid right now." Allow yourself to be afraid, rather than being more afraid because of it. Imagine how you would comfort a friend in a similar situation. Then use that same kindness on yourself.
Try to recognize negative thought patterns, such as "I always fail," "I can't get a good job," or "I won't survive." Then challenge these thoughts by asking yourself, "Is there any evidence to support this?" "Is there another explanation?" "Is the worst case scenario really going to happen?" Then replace them with positive actions such as "I can try something new", "I can learn a new skill", "I can get help".
Positive relationships provide emotional support and security to help you cope with stress. Connect more with friends, family or coworkers to share feelings and gain understanding. If these thoughts are seriously affecting your life, it is advisable to see a professional counselor. Counseling can provide a safe space to talk about your confusion and find coping strategies.
Finding meaning and purpose in your life can help you regain your motivation. Think about your life values and ideal life, set short-term and long-term goals, and make specific plans. Try new things, such as learning skills and participating in activities to enrich your experience.
Your current situation is difficult, but you have the ability to overcome it. Believe in yourself and the future will be better.