Falling for a married man, knowing it's wrong, leaving and losing color in your life?
I am 28 years old, female, unmarried, and this emotional distress has been going on for a year and a half. In life, I find myself always unwilling to face the slightest difficulty and just want to retreat. For example, at work, my coworkers have a lot of ideas, but they just mention them casually without any malice, but I feel annoyed when I hear them.
Deep down, I desperately crave companionship, but outwardly I reject people, do not want to initiate communication with others, and am used to keeping to myself. Especially hate the greetings from my family, which may have something to do with my experience of not growing up at home as a child, but at my grandmother's house. Often depressed, want to cry, feel alone, no relatives or friends.
Feelings of low self-esteem make me avoid everything all the time, which is really to protect what's left of my dignity and strong appearance. Anxiety is also very bad, the slightest thing will make me sleep badly, fearful, and I have to watch videos or listen to books to fall asleep at night. Emotions are out of control and I get angry easily.
Experience: in 2018, I fell for a married man and knew it was wrong but couldn't help myself. Six months later, I chose to leave, but this incident completely changed the way I viewed myself. I started to feel bad about my character, lost confidence that I didn't deserve anything good, and it became harder and harder to get along with people.
Core Problem Points: lack of confidence in oneself, lack of enthusiasm for life, particularly reluctant to communicate with others, yet longing for companionship.
First of all, my dear, a warm hug to you. You know, the fact that you can realize you're in bad shape and want to change is the first step towards recovery and deserves a round of applause!
It's helpful that you can clearly point to the core event that triggered the depressed mood. It is easier to deal with depression when there is a clear root cause of the event.
Let's talk about what to do. The first thing is to learn to accept yourself, the imperfect but unique you. Because only you can truly be there for yourself. You can try to meditate to yourself: I accept myself who once liked a married person. I think you must have gone through a lot of emotional ups and downs from liking to breaking up. And it's not all your fault for liking him, so don't blame yourself too much.
Meditation is a great way to stick with it for a month and your sleep and daily habits will improve. Exercise is also key, even if it's just ten minutes a day, it can slowly make life more positive. Go for it, the world and I love you!