When I was a child, I always thought differently (in retrospect, this was actually an advantage of flexibility, being able to analyze problems from multiple perspectives and solve them in simple ways). However, when I expressed these ideas, people around me often did not take them seriously, making me feel unappreciated and unaccepted.
When I entered middle school, I always felt like I was living in two worlds with the people around me. I tried hard to fit in, but when I was in front of them, I was clumsy and stuttered, like a clown who didn't fit in.
Without realizing it, I got into the habit of catering to others - I agreed with whatever others said and almost lost the ability to think independently.
When I went to college, I was even more confused and had absolutely no idea what to do or where to go from day to day.
Often, I feel like a newborn baby, ignorant of the world and only mechanically pleasing others.
I was seen as a cheerful and outgoing person, so my family didn't care much about me. My career path was mapped out by them, but I had no interest in the job, yet I couldn't say what I really liked.
What am I to do now?
Hi! Let me start by giving you a warm hug through the air. It's great to see you asking for help, and you really deserve kudos for your honesty and courage - being able to clearly realize you're lost and reach out for help is a key step in growth in itself.
As you have realized, much of this sense of disorientation in adulthood stems from the fact that too many things were decided by others when you were growing up: your ideas were not respected and your needs were ignored, leading you to subconsciously feel that your true feelings are unimportant and may even be disliked. As a result, you habitually suppress your inner self and protect yourself by pandering.
But now that you have awakened, the next step is to practice "acting on fear" - slowly trying to follow your heart and make choices. You are now fully capable of taking responsibility for yourself and have the resources to support your decisions.
Your parents are interfering with your career, not because you are incapable, but they are unintentionally treating you as an extension of their own dreams. But the truth is that your life belongs to you! As an adult, you have the right to live the way you want. Only by satisfying yourself first can you truly put your parents at ease.
I'm Lily Little Ears from the Answer Library, and the world and I love you all the time.