I wasn't supposed to exist in this world in the first place, but it's really annoying to know why I'm still alive.
Needless to say I am sorry for my so-called family, if it were not for my legal responsibilities, I would probably have left this world long ago. I had trusted them so much only to be betrayed and plunged into the depths of despair, I struggled on the verge of collapse every day for those two years.
At that time, I had only one thought: either wear the mask or die. I chose to wear the mask and live like a puppet. The moment I put on the mask, I vowed never to break that vow.
Now, the mask can't come off.
I also don't need friends, because even with a mask on, caring about others still hurts. Therefore, I can only seal my emotions, become desperate, everything is a game, no heart, naturally no pain.
And don't advise me to live for myself; I hate my existence and wish I were dead.
Life is always full of all sorts of troubles that disgust me, and death requires only a short period of pain for eternal relief.
I can't think of a reason why I should exist in this world, desires, emotions, life, ideals, money, I don't care. In reality, I don't need any of it, and my existence has no meaning.
The world may be beautiful, but what does it have to do with me? The world may have light, but that light will only make my world more desolate.
Hugs to this friend.
From your account, I see a
It's as if I'm looking at a man who can no longer shed a tear, but is only an empty shell thatHe/she has lost himself/herself.
Maybe it's just because, at one point, you thought of your beloved TA as a part of you, and even loved TA more than you loved yourself. SoWhen TA left, you couldn't bear it, as if half of your life was taken out of you.
Again, hugs to you.
There is no mention of family of origin in your account, but many times thefamily of origin can influence our character formation and even our choice of spouse.
Now that you feel betrayed and abandoned.This reflects a special attachment to your TA..
Maybe when you were growing up.You didn't develop a good attachment to your provider...
We know that childrenThere's a rebellious period when they're 2-3 years old.that begins to have a sense of self.By the age of 3, children feel that they and their mother are one and the sameIf mom leaves, he will cry. But if mom sometimes takes his toys or stops him from doing something, the child will disobey and do what he wants.But he knows that he is safe and loved, and that mommy will not leave him. He is free to explore the world.
The other two rebellious periods are ages 7-9 and 12-18.
At every stage of rebellion.We need to keep our child safe while respecting and supporting him to explore the world and build his confidence.
Looking back at your upbringing, did you ever experience a family member's parting or separation when you were growing up? Or been suddenly disliked by a good friend? Ever trusted a nurturing person so much that the TA did something surprising or unbelievable that made you feel cheated and hurt?
If there is, then I think that it might beBecause your inner child hasn't healed., so now when you encounter something similar, it brings back that bad feeling that you can't get rid of.
Your inner strength is weak right now.Ifaccompanied and supported by a professional counselor or listener, you will slowly get better.When the inner strength grows, you will slowly get back to yourself.
Mr. Wu Zhihong has an excellent book called"Have a Life You Can Call Your Own..
The first sentence of the book is"One's life, after all, is about living one's own.".
Each of us is on a journey to find ourselves. Even Ms. Wu Zhihong herself, as a veteran counselor and best-selling author ofHe has also suffered from depression. And the counseloralso need to be constantly supervised on their growth path to help them find themselvesThe
The future is bright and I wish you the best of luck in becoming a better version of yourself soon, you can do it!