Do you often fall into these negative thoughts? For example, habitual self-denial, grasping at past mistakes, feeling pessimistic about the future, always thinking about unhappy things, or moving to blame others. These thoughts are particularly difficult for you, and even force you to go to a counselor, but the strange thing is that sometimes you just don't want to come out of it, as if you're purposely torturing yourself, as if the one who's being tortured isn't yourself.
Hello, friend!
Seeing your description, I can't help but think of myself a year ago. In fact, you are not the only one in the world who feels this way, you have realized the problem and are actively looking for a solution, as long as you don't give up, everything will slowly get better.
Habitual self-denial, known in psychology as "self-loathing," refers to a person's deep-seated feeling that he or she is not good enough in every way, or even deserving of good things or relationships. In reality, however, this is a completely subjective belief that is not supported by objective evidence.
This bad habit can seriously affect our satisfaction, fulfillment, and self-esteem, and can even be a stumbling block to intimacy, making one feel unworthy of love.
We must learn to help ourselves, because wherever life goes, it all boils down to what the old saying goes: success also comes from oneself, failure also comes from oneself. The root cause of everything lies in yourself and no one else. When you really realize this, there is hope for self-help, and patience will be a good helper for you.
I recently read a great book, How to Stop Being Unhappy: the Negative Emotions Organizing Handbook.
The author of this book, Andrea Owen, has also hit a low point in her life, losing her job, getting dumped, becoming homeless, and finding out she was pregnant. But she came out of it through self-healing and summarizes 14 common harmful patterns of thinking and behavior, giving direct and practical advice for each to help readers improve themselves, accept themselves, and live their true selves.
1. Rationally recognize yourself and happily accept yourself. Accepting oneself does not mean demanding perfection, but rather affirming oneself as a valuable person based on an understanding of one's strengths and weaknesses. It doesn't mean treating shortcomings as strengths, but rather doing your best to improve shortcomings while recognizing your self-worth. Only by accepting yourself first can you have more opportunities for growth. Recognizing yourself, not overestimating or underestimating, and accepting yourself happily is the first step. 2. Acknowledge that there is a self-critic living inside. To solve this problem, you first have to see that it exists. The difficulty is that so much negative self-talk has become so habitual that we don't even notice how dysfunctional it is. 3. Find the root cause of your inner unhappiness. Think again about why these things are so important to you and what they really mean. Thinking in this way is not about changing thoughts, it's about making you realize how those thoughts make you unhappy. For example, when you're concerned about what others are saying, say to yourself: look, my inner self-critic is at it again, it's trying to get me down and disillusioned, but I'm not going to let it. 4. Use more positive mental cues. Positive suggestion won't work immediately, but persistence will affect the subconscious mind over time, allowing positive beliefs to slowly take over your brain, resulting in fewer negative emotions and thoughts. 5. Find a professional counselor to help you explore your true inner needs. Remember, the only person who can defeat you is yourself. You can only do well if you know yourself deeply and improve your abilities. If you deny yourself completely because of one failure, you will not be able to do even what you are capable of. ,1