And girlfriend break up has been almost a year, when we were together for six months, but now I still can not let go of those things in the past in my heart.
Sometimes it felt like pushing myself too hard to forget her before had backfired. Now, even though I'm sitting in the same class, it feels like the person I was with back then is completely different from the one in front of me. Those sweet memories, sweet as if they didn't belong to me, as if they had never happened to me, were especially unreal.
Now it's always unconsciously comparing myself to her, and I feel like I'm losing in all other aspects, such as happiness, calmness, or sense of well-being, except for my academic performance, which is still even, and I feel especially bad about it.
Hello friend! The emotional struggle after a breakup is indeed a complex and deep process. Many people, like you, still can't let go of their ex after a year of breakup, which is actually quite common in psychology.
A breakup usually brings about strong mood swings such as sadness, anger, pining, and even shakes the sense of self-worth. These emotions don't just affect your day-to-day mood, they can also make you doubt your own abilities and happiness.
First of all, you mentioned "pushing yourself too hard to forget", which is actually a typical avoidance behavior. Although avoidance can temporarily relieve pain, in the long run it will prevent you from really dealing with your emotions.
The brain hides repressed emotions in the subconscious mind and they can pop up at the first trigger. So, instead of forcing yourself to forget, try to accept these emotions as part of life. This way you can understand yourself better and slowly come out of the shadows.
You say that sitting in the same class now but feeling that the person you were with is not the same person reflects an inner conflict. Facing your ex again after a breakup often feels strange because your thoughts and feelings have changed.
The gap between the sweet memories of the past and the reality of the present is so great that it makes you feel like those things aren't real. This is normal because the brain is trying to differentiate between the past and the present.
It also shows that you are going through mental reconstruction, which is redefining your relationship and its meaning.
Regarding subconsciously comparing yourself to her, this is actually a sign of self-denial. Feeling like you're losing out, whether it's in terms of being happy, smooth or blissful, shows that you're not recognizing yourself as much.
Such comparisons do not bring benefits, but only increase pain and anxiety. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, and always comparing yourself to others only ignores what makes you tick. Try to focus on your own growth instead of getting caught up in comparisons to boost your self-confidence.
I have a few suggestions for a better mindset. The first is to accept and express emotions. Don't repress yourself and give yourself permission to be sad, angry or nostalgic. You can release stress by journaling, drawing, or other ways that will make you more aware of your feelings.
The next step is to develop new interests. Try activities such as sports, traveling, and reading, which not only provide a distraction, but also allow you to discover new pleasures. New experiences can be eye-opening, allowing you to find a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment, and reduce your dependence on the past.
Increased social support is also important. Connect with friends and family more often and seek them out for conversation. Attending social events, meeting new people and expanding your circle can reduce feelings of isolation. The support of others is critical to psychological recovery, and interaction can bring comfort and encouragement.
Setting personal goals is also a good way to go. Set yourself some short-term and long-term goals, such as in school, work or life. Achieving your goals step by step boosts your confidence and sense of accomplishment and gives you new motivation.
If you are having trouble adjusting on your own, consider getting professional help. A counselor can provide guidance and help you deal with your emotions better. A school psychologist is also a good choice~
It's important to redefine success. Don't just measure yourself by external standards, learn to appreciate your efforts and progress. Everyone has a different standard of success, and finding the right one for you is the only way to feel truly fulfilled and happy~