Many people grow up with various problems brought about by their families of origin, such as a mother who always nags, is overly controlling, loses her temper in unstable moods, or often ignores her children's true feelings, and so on.
How can we, as the next generation, avoid the vicious family cycle of "living like our parents, even though we resent them"?
In fact, the root cause of all family of origin problems can be traced back to the same core - the lack of love.
We will find that most parents, whether they are controlling, depressed, or have an addiction problem, also grew up in an uncaring environment. As an example, in order to protect their fragile hearts, they had to develop controlling behaviors (used to gain security), depressive states (to conserve their minds), or dependence on alcohol (to numb themselves briefly) ......
So, to break out of this cycle and not repeat the same mistakes, we can redefine our goals in a positive way - we desire to create a loving family, pursue healthier lives and relationships, and build stronger selves, so strong that we don't need to rely on our parents as a "protective shell" to survive. protective shell" of our parents to survive.
Once you have a clear direction, the next step is to move towards your goal step by step.
1. First learn to pay attention to yourself, understand yourself and encourage yourself so that you can boost your self-esteem. Remember: "Every sound of recognition and every encouragement adds to the walls of our self-esteem."
2. Observe carefully the patterns of interaction between yourself and your family, because awareness is the beginning of change. Then mark the areas that need to be adjusted, and replace old and maladaptive patterns with positive or healthy ways of communicating.
3. When we give ourselves enough attention and love, we slowly realize that we can willingly give love and support to others as well. After all, we can't give what we don't have. When the freedom to love is realized, it can in turn infect those around us and bring them positive influence.
Of course, if you are operating on your own with no ideas, or feel alone and powerless, finding a friend or counselor to accompany you on the journey will make the process more meaningful!
Come on!