My boyfriend and I have been dating for three months now, and he says that the way I treat him is like I'm entertaining guests, which always makes us feel awkward when we get along. I'm not much of a talker myself, so I often wonder if it's just me. I've referenced some advice before, such as letting him initiate the conversation, and my mom thinks so too - after all, he's older and should take on more. I've read articles mentioning that the worst relationship pattern is when one partner is avoiding and the other is pursuing, which may actually be because we spend so little time together - I work out of town and have few opportunities to see each other. My mom always says that love has nothing to do with the length of time, but does it really? I know I'm a bit of a loose cannon personality-wise, I always want to leave a way out, and I don't dare to commit myself too quickly for fear that if I get stuck in it, it will be hard to get out. I want to change, but I don't know how to do it, the process of change is quite painful, although my mom said I have made progress than before, but it's still not good enough, what should I do?
Hello, friend.
Trying to conform to mom's expectations is depressing you, isn't it?
On the surface it looks like it's a problem between you and your boyfriend, but I've noticed that you actually listen to your mother in your behavior. When you meet someone you feel a connection with, it's natural to talk more.
Your mom doesn't think you're good enough, so you change yourself to fit into the relationship and meet your mom's expectations of you - hoping you'll be good together and even develop a relationship.
How long have you been suppressing your true self in order to fulfill your mom's expectations? How long have you been doing what you are "supposed" to do, ignoring whether or not you want to do it, whether or not you like it?
Maybe you have all sorts of reasons, and I know it's not easy to make a sudden change, but you need to realize that the key to getting more comfortable is to see where the obstacles are.
Good luck.