The other day my son, who is in his second year of junior high school, took a test and came home with a droopy head saying he didn't do well. He even checked his answers at the teacher's before coming back, and he looked so depressed.
His father and I rushed to comfort him, saying that this is just a test, no big deal. Besides, if you don't do well this time, you'll have a chance next time.
He didn't squeak when he heard it, still sulking.
Today his dad went out to play ball and I stayed home with him.
He asked me for my cell phone and said he wanted to listen to some children's songs to relax.
As it turned out, more than half an hour had passed, and when I looked at him, he was still there playing a cell phone game.
I know in my heart of hearts that the kid is afraid to act out in front of his dad, but he can let off a little steam with me.
I asked him what was wrong, and he said he was just in a bad mood and that he had misplayed the test and shouldn't have done so poorly.
He feels especially unmotivated, doesn't want to study, and even says he doesn't want to go to school tomorrow. I was quite worried and didn't know how to comfort him.
Hello, I'm Dodo the Insightful.
Based on what you've learned from observing your own son
When you get home from a test, you say you didn't do well.
Especially depressed.
Asked me for my cell phone and said to listen to a song (actually wanted to vent and relax)
Then we found out he'd been playing a cell phone game
He says he's just in a bad mood and is not playing well on tests that he shouldn't be failing. Doesn't feel motivated to study and doesn't even want to go to school (which means he's frustrated and doesn't feel understood)
Your son is a little depressed because he didn't do well on the test. I can see that he had some expectations for this exam that
But the results are not as good as they should be, so the fallout is great - that's frustration.
His father and I rushed to comfort him.
Say it's just a test.
Well, it's your way of comforting your children after they've been frustrated with their exams.
But what you may not realize is that there's a small problem with this approach that leads to not getting to the root cause.
Your son actually takes this test seriously - you may have inadvertently belittled his seriousness by saying "it's just a test".
This response is less positive.
Besides, if you don't do well this time, you'll have another chance next time.
Your son cares about this test, not the next one.
You should allow him to lose heart over the results of this test, recognize his positivity, and allow him to be open to failure.
The child's motivation to learn has suffered a bit ...... This has something to do with the way you have responded. (This is an objective fact)
If you run into a similar situation in the future, I have a couple of better ideas to try here:
"Why do you think you didn't do well on the test?"
(Guide the child to think about the reasons for this on his/her own and figure out how to solve it)
"Oh, you must be upset that you didn't do well, right? Why don't we watch a movie together to relax?" (Acknowledge his efforts and make him accept the failure)
......
So what's the solution now?
The most effective way to do this is to apologize for previously belittling your child's goals.
"Son, mom remembered that you failed the test the other day and felt a bit overwhelmed. You actually valued this test, right? I shouldn't have said it was just a test. Besides, this exam is this time and the next time is the next time, it's totally different. If you're in a bad mood, do you want to do anything to relax?
You were supposed to do well, right? Then why didn't you? Did something recently affect it? ......"
(The above recommendations are for reference)
Good luck.