Oops, it's really annoying! A guy confessed his love to me before and then everyone knew about it. It wasn't really a big deal because he wasn't the only one who had done it before. But I was really kind of impressed by his words, but I rejected him first at the time. Then he messaged me and I actually got a little happy and would sneak around in class to find out where he was. Since I've never been in a relationship, I don't know what kind of mentality this is. I probably just like the feeling of someone pursuing me. Now I'm not even sure if I really like him because he's from another class, we're college students, and I've only heard of him before, I haven't really seen him in person. I can't help but peek at him sometimes, probably due to the influence of the people around me, so I don't know if it's just a case of environmental cues. I don't know if I would still do this if I saw him alone if he hadn't confessed to me. I really don't know what to do, I'm just not ready for a relationship right now, but I don't know why I'm somehow happy when I see him, but I don't want to accept him. Could this be an avoidant personality? So torn!
Hello, my dear! Don't be so quick to label yourself in any way yet. From your description, I think you may have idealized your relationship too much. You enjoy the perfect relationship that you have imagined in your mind, and you think that this is the real love. Because one good thing about such a relationship is that you won't get hurt and the initiative is completely in your hands - you can make the relationship end when you want it to end, and extend it for as long as you want, so you're the one who is in charge of the relationship. But in a real relationship, you can't be in complete control. So by indulging in this imagery, you may be seeking a sense of control. Behind this is actually your fear of abandonment and rejection, do you realize that? Instead of waiting to be abandoned or rejected by someone else, it would be better to simply not have a real-life relationship so that you don't get hurt. But honey, I'd say it's inevitable that any relationship will hurt. But people go into relationships because they love ah, we can't be afraid to love for fear of getting hurt, just like we can't stop eating for fear of choking. Which do you think is the greater loss? Love is such a beautiful thing, especially when it comes to relationships, and even if we might get hurt, we still have to have the courage to pursue it, right? So, my dear, as long as there is love, be brave enough to try. I'm Lily, the little ear of the Answer House, and the world and I love you. With me by your side, go for it!