My parents and I have always had a difficult relationship. They always mentally abducted me in the name of "doing what's best for me" and forced me to do what they wanted. When I refused, they would scold me and even humiliate me with harsh words until I gave in. Only when I was obedient would they be a little bit nicer, but the so-called "niceness" was only that they did not scold me. As soon as I didn't do what I wanted, the accusations came again.
I couldn't trust my parents at all because when I needed help, they not only didn't support me, they often threw cold water on me.
After graduating from college, I basically never went home, except for the death of a loved one. But even if they don't live together now, they still don't move to call and order me to do things, and if I don't follow them, they keep scolding me.
Due to some weaknesses in my personality, I tend to fall into depression at work and in life. I've thought about going to a psychiatrist, but even if counseling works for the time being, the pressure from my parents never stops, and they simply won't change. So is there any point in counseling in this case or not?
Hi, I hope my sharing gives you a little support and a warm hug in advance!
🎁 Frequent criticism from our parents does stress us out. After work, their demands become more and more, while the care we crave for becomes less instead. Sometimes a few casual words of reproach from them can make us feel bad for a long time.
After all, our parents are our closest relatives, and there is no getting around that relationship, so their words and actions have a particularly deep impact on us.
Even if we are aware that our parents have done something wrong, we are still emotionally involved. You may worry that even if the problem is temporarily alleviated with counseling, your parents will keep creating new conflicts in the future, and it feels like you're falling into a bottomless pit, right?
🎁 Learning the Benefits of Attachment Adjustment
I think your situation is quite suitable to start by adjusting the attachment relationship with your parents.
It's not about completely falling out with your parents, it's about re-examining your life and taking the initiative in life into your own hands.
In the past, we may have been used to relying on our parents to make decisions and show the way, but from now on, we have to learn to think, choose and take on our own.
You also have to practice regulating your emotions, learn self-affirmation, and discover your own shortcomings. This is really the process of moving towards independence.
If we are able to cope with life independently, our parents' scolding will slowly become a reference and not cause us so much pain.
🎁 Talk to people more and figure out what filial piety really means
Many people feel that filial piety means being obedient, but this instead limits self-growth and makes it difficult for us to recognize the direction of our lives earlier.
True filial piety is based on repaying our parents for their nurturing. We can evaluate our parents objectively, see their good qualities and understand their shortcomings, and try to understand them.
I think that's a healthier parent-child relationship.
If there is still deep resentment towards our parents, it somehow also means that our dependence on them is still strong and the attachment relationship has not been fully rationalized.
The key is to learn to distinguish between what is moral abduction and what is really due to filial piety, and to have a scale in your heart.
I truly wish you the best of luck in slowly finding your own easy life.