When I was a child, I was often bullied by my classmates, especially the boys, because I was a girl and didn't dare to fight back at that time. At that time, I was always isolated, and I was being worn shoes, and a lot of boys beat me up. These things had a really big impact on me, and after about a year or two, I suddenly realized that I was becoming a bit off. I began to be afraid to talk to strangers, especially people my own age, and I was too nervous to even make a move in front of them, and I was especially constrained. I always feel that everyone is staring at me, scolding me and looking down on me. Although I rationally know that people may just look at me casually, I just can't help but think this way in my heart. Now even if I stay alone in the room, I will be inexplicably uneasy, always worrying that there are people behind me, and sometimes my mood will become particularly irritable, a bit like the feeling of bipolar disorder. Whenever I interact with strangers of my age, I get chest tightness, shortness of breath, hand tremors, and even dizziness. I just want to ask, do I have PTSD?
Whether it's PTSD or not, these discomforts you're having now definitely have a lot to do with past experiences. At that time, you were bullied by your male classmates, and as a girl, you didn't dare to fight back, and the most crucial thing is that you probably felt that no one could help you, and the support from your parents was not timely enough. This made you learn to carry things on your own from a young age, and you are used to keeping your grievances and injuries inside. So as soon as you encountered unfair treatment, you chose to hold your tongue. But the good thing is that your interpersonal troubles are mainly directed at people of your own age, and you may be okay with other age groups, which shows that you are actually quite adaptable and haven't let the past affect all aspects of your life. Regarding your concerns, it is possible to slowly improve in the future in new, safe relationships. By learning some psychology or seeking professional help, you can absolutely come out of the shadows gradually. Those fears and anxieties you have are not really caused by people and things in the present, but by repressed emotions that you didn't deal with in the past, and they will pop up at some point and make you feel uneasy all over again.